Existential-ease is the clearest term to describe what I’ve discovered in myself and what we might experience together through Selfistry. While others have used words like realization, enlightenment, spiritual awakening, or nirvana, these terms often feel misrepresented, overhyped, or misunderstood.

That said…

Feel free to use whatever word resonates with you. Let’s just make sure our definitions overlap.

Let’s unpack this phrase for clarity about what I’m pointing toward.

The word existential refers to affirming the existence of something. As humans, we experience our existence undeniably. Affirming this feels like a valuable place to start. 

Now let’s look at ease.

If our starting point of our seeking — whether through therapy, a twelve-step program, religion, New Age group or any other path — is pain, discomfort, or dis-ease, then it makes sense that the objective would be to find relief, comfort, or ease.

When we combine existential with ease, it suggests a way of living that affirms your unique existence while cultivating a profound sense of comfort and peace. Who wouldn’t want an easeful existence?

It’s important to note, however, that existential-ease does not mean that your life will magically become easier or better. Instead, it means you’ll engage with your life as it is (and as it was and as it is becoming) from a place of inner ease. 

What exactly does existential-ease look or feel like?

I can offer hints from my own experience, share stories from others, and suggest ways to proceed on your quest. Ultimately though, you’ll uncover this state for yourself. Not to worry — you can have guidance and support along the way. That’s what Selfistry and Slow Spirituality are here for.

The details of my personal journey to existential-ease are chronicled  in my memoir, Redefining Being Self-ish: My Journey from Escort to Monk to Me. The final “Me” marks the phase where existential-ease settled in.

In short, I spent a decade in retreat, studying and practicing ascetic disciplines. My intention was to quiet the experience of myself as the focal point: a personal identity, and amplify the experience of myself as a unique expression of some incomprehensible, essential Mystery — what some traditions call God. 

Though “God”can be a problematic word for many, I also find the word “energy” to be insufficient. Frankly, words in general get tricky and fall short when discussing these matters. So, thank you for bearing with me.

Regardless of what we call it, I can offer pointers, and help you to weave a fresh story about it. By deeply tuning into this fundamental Source of life — experiencing it as both the force breathing me into existence and my very existence itself —  I began to experience an expansive and fulfilling way of living. I consciously and tentatively tested this realization, challenged it, and eventually matured within it. 

In Selfistry, the body of work I developed, I refer to the essential energy as Source, and the personal self as the Self.

After years of cultivating the ability to remain steady in this state — fully inhabiting my experience as both Self and Source — I reverse-engineered the path to this existential ease. Through this process, I identified essential elements that are integral to supporting others on their journey.

Identifying these key — and likely, universal — elements ensures that I can help you find your way without requiring you to adopt a new belief system, philosophy, or religion. By mapping out the trajectory of the journey, I can guide you to recognize the signposts and pitfalls along the path. 

Selfistry simplifies the journey, stripping it down to key elements and a clear path. This allows you to integrate your unique life circumstances and challenges into your personal process of discovery. With this approach, your short-term goals become achievable, your long term realizations sustainable, and your success entirely your own.

In other words, instead of a one-size-fits-all approach, I guide you to use tools and teachings tailored to your history, strengths, and needs. I’m not interested in you following any specific steps or adopting a prescribed belief system. I’m invested in empowering you to responsibly engage with the essential elements of the path  — process, content, context, and goal.

With this approach you can curate your particular set of practices and craft your personal blueprint for your growth. By doing this you live your own authentic life of meaning and purpose, choreographed by you while still tethered to the universal experience of enlightenment, peace, or union with Source.

From where I sit, it’s through the blossoming of individuals in this way that the collective web of humanity is nourished, and perhaps healed. At the very least, a responsible personal development process moves life in a  trustworthy direction toward a promising future.

Want more info on how I personally found this ease I speak of?

I was in my late twenties when I stepped away from “normal life” to figure all this out. I was disoriented, depressed, and anxious about how to live.

Through thousands of hours focusing on my connection to Source, I discovered that while I felt uniquely myself, I did not experience a sense of separation from that Source. I didn’t find God “out there” with rules or judgements about how to live. Nor did I find a vacuous emptiness devoid of care for the personal me.

What I found was a vastness that extended beyond me. 

And myself there within it. 

This paradox — the simultaneous experience of Self and Source — is at the heart of existential-ease, and it’s recognized by mystics and shamans across traditions.

Although I explored many traditions and practices, and even integrated a number of them into my present way of walking in the world, I was never bound to a single lineage. Instead I was held by a different structure: a simple and quiet lifestyle that supported my focus and learning without distractions like media, career, romantic relationships, or family obligations.

Essentially, I lived a monastic and mystical life without the traditional trappings.

While I cannot place you in a monastery, I can help you create a solid and stable structure within your current life. I do not believe that plucking you out of your life is the ideal anyway. 

Here’s why …

An ascetic life offers a steep and direct path to Source but often at the expense of the Self. It can be severe and take its toll on the body and mind. 

If the ideal is an integrated approach — blending Source and Self in all aspects of life — including media, career, politics, romantic relationship and family — then why not engage in practices that weave the two together from the start?

There is no good reason not to. 

This is the mission of Selfistry — to offer a path for weaving one’s unique individuality into a love knot with Source within the sacred tapestry of life’s interconnected web.

The journey may be long and challenging (isn’t this true for every path?), but with proper guidance and a sound approach, ordinary life truly becomes extraordinary, and existential ease becomes a permanent state of being.

If you find yourself drawn but cautious or skeptical I would say this …

Before discovering ease, I was riddled with uncertainty about life’s choices. Career. Marriage. Children. Lifestyle.

Though I had plenty of suggestions from my parents, peers, and the culture at large, none felt truly mine. 

Now, the suggestions feel infinite. Five minutes on social media offers a torrent of ideas, beliefs, and paths to follow.

The mind spins. 

Too

Much

Information

The heart aches.

Too 

Much

Noise 

In accessing the place of existential ease, I came to see that my anxiety wasn’t rooted in not knowing what to choose. It came from believing there was a single “right” choice. And I had to find it before I could take one more step.

Now, I rest in the understanding that no choice is inherently right or wrong. There is no heaven to reward me, no hell to punish me. No decision will be the end of me; it will simply close the chapter of that choice ever needing to be made again. And life will be free to generously unfold from there

Therein lies the ease. The peace. The freedom of allowing choices to emerge from an inner quiet place — not from fear or obligation, but from an open, spacious awareness and a willingness to meet life on its terms.

Not mine.

Choices get made. 

Not from an external standard.

Or even an internal one.

You see …

Decisions arise fluidly from a place within — a calm, quiet, spacious embodied state of being — where I am no longer agitated by the weight of any single choice.  From this center, all decisions arise with ease, and the consequence of every choice is met with a calm curiosity. No regrets. No second-guessing.

There is a surrender here , an acceptance that while I have a sense of selfhood and agency, my life unfolds within a vast matrix over which I have little control.

Many try to wrest control from these bounds, bending life to conform to their will.

To me, this is folly. Fruitless. And frankly, not fun.

The joy lies in the surrender — in knowing your essential nature as a singular note in a grand, eternal symphony. While you might glimpse the conductor’s mind or know the music by heart, your task remains: to play your note impeccably.

Here’s the bottom line …

The work of spiritual development is not about seeking the right answers or the correct path. The secret is to lay that intention down. Instead, invest your life force in discovering how life unfolds when you stop trying to get it right, or figure it all out.

Seek the silence, the stillness, the mystery that underlies and infuses the entire quest. Allow the “right” choices to emerge from this Source, and let the Self delight in the uncertainty of the unfolding.

Celebrate the possibility of being confident and capable of opening to unpreferred choices and unexpected views. Access a deeper sense of awe and wonder, and tap into the vast, expansive, holy Mystery.

Come check it out.

See for yourself.

Step in to ease.

Watch how it unfolds from within you. Celebrate all that emerges from the depths of your being. Master the art of expressing this mystery through your one precious and beautiful life … before the breath that breathes you alive takes its final leave.